Do Not Blame The Monkey For "Better Man" Failure

The singing chimp is innocent, plus is Pamela Anderson the new Rodney Dangerfield? Observations from the box office weekend of Jan 10, 2025

Lay Off This Monkey! Paramount’s Robbie Williams musical bio-pic Better Man ate it at the B.O. this weekend with a Playmobil: The Movie-esque $1.05 million in its first weekend of North American wide release, and unfortunately much of the industry blame has been laid at the feet of the digitized primate who headlines the film. Analysts immediately surmised that audiences were confused and even frightened by the digital ape (who stars as Euro dance relic Robbie Williams) and that’s what kept them away. The theory is that with a human actor in the lead rather than a digital monkey, the pic could have done multiples of its actual gross. That of course is nothing but MONKEY CRAP. Digital Apes haven’t been a problem, in fact they’ve been some of our most reliable box office stars. Just this year King Kong (in collab with his friend for Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire aka The Collab) and the apes of Kingdom of the Planet of The Apes led major theatrical hits, and we’re not far removed from Donkey Kong playing a pivotal role in making Super Mario Bros: The Movie one of the biggest blockbusters of 2023. Audiences didn’t reject the monkey in Better Man, they rejected the role. North Americans simply didn’t care about Robbie Williams, his music, his suits, his dances, or his stints as a judge on various UK talent shows. (I’m not sure whether Robbie Williams has in fact sat next to Simon Cowell on something called X-Crumpets: Sing Off For The Queen!: Manchester but one can assume he has.) The character didn’t resonate in the States, but that’s no fault of the actor. Take that same computer monkey and cast it as Garth Brooks in a bio-pic entitled Low Places and we’d guarantee that heartland audiences would embrace the banana-feasting star to the tune of a $25+ million opening frame. It would be an awards-baity part in which the digital monkey would get to play both the country crooner Brooks as well as the figment of his famed mental breakdown, New Waver Chris Gaines. The failure of Better Man should not keep digital apes from future opportunities at toplining theatrical (please do not punt the rumored Kong-as-Chris-Martin project The Scientist to Hulu!) musician bio-pics. There is clearly no human who could ever do Billy Joel justice, so let’s give audiences what they want and have the Better Man monkey crashing his car into mailboxes on the silver screen in Big Shot. Dig up the After Effects files of Caesar from Rise of the Planet of the Apes, cast those files as Madonna, and let’s finally get Material Girl made. The digital ape didn’t turn off audiences— Robbie Williams and a complete disinterest in his entire life did. All due respect to Robbie Williams, we’re sure he’s a nice guy (or a monster, who knows.)

Pamela Anderson is a Ten. For the first time in her career, a movie headlined by Pamela Anderson has finished in the top ten of the domestic box office. (We’re of course not counting her cameos in hits such as Scary Movie 3, Borat, or Superhero Movie.) 1996’s Barb Wire opened at #12, and her most famous film never actually received a wide theatrical release. Therefore the tenth place finish of The Last Showgirl marks a major career milestone, and could set up the 57 year old actress for late career movie stardom along the lines of Rodney Dangerfield. The “I never receive any respect” comedian didn’t achieve movie stardom until 1980’s Caddyshack at the age of 59. Could Pamela Anderson become this generation’s Rodney?

We’re not suggesting a complete shift towards cigar-chompin’ insult comedy for the ex-Baywatch star, but with July’s comedy reboot The Naked Gun set as her Last Showgirl follow-up, it might not hurt for Anderson to lean into the Rodney Dangerfield nature of her comeback. If Pamela Anderson manages to take home Best Actress at the SAG Awards for instance, it would behoove her to end her acceptance speech with a tearful “We finally got some respect, Rodney. We finally got some respect." before lighting up a stogie, and having the orchestra play her off to Kenny Loggins’ classic “I’m Alright.”

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